


The Insufferable, Wonderful Intern

by MischievousMollusk



Category: Villainous (Cartoon)
Genre: 5.0.5 is a sweet bear, Annoying the crap outta poor Flug, Black Hat is just an asshole, Enemies to Friends to Lovers, Multi, Neutral Pronouns, Reader is a tease, Slight Demencia/reader too cause shes a BABE, but we love him anyway, cause I'm a sucker for that trope, don't steal kids, funtimes with your partner-in-crime Demencia, honestly your pretty chill, reader is a badass, reader is a bit obnoxious, reader is a thief, there WILL be swears so take your grandma out of the room, theres a time and a place for moral ambiguity, unless someone messes with you, villians will be giving you shit for coming from heroes
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-02-18
Updated: 2018-04-01
Packaged: 2019-03-20 19:30:26
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 5
Words: 18,771
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13724460
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/MischievousMollusk/pseuds/MischievousMollusk
Summary: You are the only one in your long line of heroics to have no powers. Both of your parents are retiree's, your weird uncle used to be part of the national hero organization, and your brother is an up-and-coming super. Everyone had their thing, except for you. Luckily, you take it in relative stride, having no interest at all in being a hero, your just doing whatever.Despite being of heroic decent, you manage to land an internship at Black Hat Org. (Even if it was one you never really wanted in the first place.) Working for a guy that scares the ever loving shit out of you. During your time working there, you try make the most if it by befriending 5.0.5 alongside Demencia and just wreaking general havoc, getting into trouble in learning how to be a truly terrible person. Much to Black Hats annoyance.But your favourite pastime of all is annoying the shit out of a certain mad scientist..(Summary may or may not change as I figure out just what I'm doing and where I'm going with this thing) (HELP)





	1. Breaking news: Scary lizard lady goes a little overboard on the ice cream

You grumbled as you put on your tacky work hat and bitch-ass apron.  
You hated your job, but it was the best you could get.

You had just gotten off the phone with your brother, who was raving about this brand-spanking-new serum that was being thrown around within villain and hero circles alike. Or something like that.  
You never really cared much for any of this hero-villain stuff, but your little brother did, and you were always keen to listen to his ranting's despite your disinterest. Ethan was at the country's top-notch hero college, your family had to scrounge up all the money they could just to send him there. He was lucky to get in, and your parents urged you to apply too, but you refused, not wanting to go down the path your sibling chose.  
Something your family didn't quite approve of, as you came from a long line of supers, and you were expected to get in on the family business as everyone else had.  
Your grandparents, Parents, aunts, uncles, cousins, pretty much each and every one of them was working or training to be a superhero.  
Everyone all the way back to your great-great-great-great-great...great... as you recalled, LONG lineage.  
All the way back to your many-greats Grandmother, Melonia Ignia. One of the very fist superheroes to ever walk the earth.  
She had been able to conjure up fire through song and dance, flames dancing and flickering, bending to her will. She had created bright balls of scalding heat in the palm of her hands as she spun and twirled, chanting songs of her people as she did.  
Yep, she was a hell of a woman, as they said.  
But you, you were the black sheep. You had no talents, and no will to ever be a hero of any sort.

But hey, 'least your little bro was there to support your decisions. Unlike most of your kinsfolk.

Both of your parents had retired early to have kids. Thinking their line of work was too dangerous, and never wanting to risk leaving whatever possible children they had orphaned. from this, came you, and your little brother. The both of you grew up in a loving home, nice parents, nice apartment, nice little town, very pleasant.  
Your brother had always dreamed of following in your parents footsteps, as he'd always love to wear a blanket as a cape and run around the house-and eventually fly as  
he got a bit older-loudly yelling at the top of his lungs as he fought and defeated pretend villains, saving pretend cities. Annoying the crap out of your neighbors.  
You? You never really gave a damn. You preferred reading, and drawing, going on the internet, and making makeshift weapons out of old toy parts more then anything else. And it's not like it mattered whether you cared or not, as you've never discovered your superpowers, or lack thereof, something that puzzled your family to no end.  
They even took you to the doctors, certain that something went wrong, you were 10 years old, when you should have started experiencing your powers as early as age 5.  
But there was absolutely nothing, by all accounts, you were perfectly healthy.  
Since then your parents have called you a 'late-bloomer', convinced that you would discover your heroic abilities at some point.  
But you were way past hoping that you ever would, it has been years, and you were in college now, you had more important things to worry about.  
Like tuition and bills.

And getting on time for your dead-end job.  
Lil' Jacks Ice Cream Shack here you come.

Ten minutes into your shift and you already have some lizard lady absolutely annihilating the buckets of ice cream.

You watched along in mild horror with a few of the spectators, you even caught sight of a nearby mother covering her child's eyes before quickly leading them away from the hellish sight.  
Lots of people began to make their way out of the park in which your job was situated at, joggers jogging faster, parents shoving their kids along, dog-owners whistling and urging their dogs to hurry it up.

All to get away from this neon-coloured lizard woman.

This gal is just chowing down and showing no sign of stopping, a few times you've tried to pull her away but she just straight up hissed at you like some kind of animal.  
Alright, fine, suit yourself you sticky-faced lizard-lady. Your not going to tango with a girl who looked like she could bite your head off.  
Although you'll have to be honest with yourself, You'd probably find her quite attractive if she didn't have her entire upper body covered in ice-cream.

It was almost mesmerizing watching the girl shoveling handfuls of the cold treat into her mouth.  
You just hope she was going to pay for all that. Plus damages.  
Because she has totally fucked up that ice-cream stand.

The longer you stared at the terrifying creature before you, the more familiar she became. There was something about her, like you KNEW her, that you just couldn't put your finger on...  
After five more minutes of watching her scarf it all down, she finally finished with a loud burp, chucking the last bucket over her shoulder as she did so.  
Cool. Gross.  
Alright, time to ask this weirdo what her name was.

"So, uh... who the hell are you?" You strolled up to her, feeling more comfortable going near her as she looked a lot calmer now then previously as she licked at her fingers.

"Demencia!" The girl exclaimed loudly, giving you a menacing, toothy grin.

Oh hell. You knew that name. That's why you recognized her.  
DEMENCIA.  
One of Black Hats minions, a henchwoman of the most awful, terrible, horrible being in all of the known universe.  
Oh yes, you knew of him, your whole family did. And they were all terrified of him.  
The stories you've heard... ugh. Even gave you the shivers, not a lot of villains could do that to you, but he was the worst of the worst.  
Black Hat. Disgusting, despicable, atrocious, vicious...  
You could spend all day describing how horrendous he is, but in doing so you'd be taking up too much of this fanfic.

You had never once imagined that you'd ever meet any of THE Black Hats gang when you moved to Hatsville.  
But perhaps that was foolish of you to assume.

"WELL Demencia, thank you for coming to my ice cream shack and totally fucking it up, I hope you had fun. And I DO hope you can somehow, y'know, PAY for the ice cream, not to mention all the damage you've caused?"

She blinked.  
But remember, this is one of BLACK HATS your talking to!

"I mean, if you can't, that's totally fine, but it would be nice-"

"Okay!" Piped Demecia, before promptly turning to walk away.

"Hey man, WAIT!" You knew she was a villain and all, but you still hoped that she would at least pay for half of the trouble she'd caused. Maybe.

"You're not gonna pay?"

She paused and thought for a moment, lips pursed as if she was thinking hard. Before breaking out into a smile again.  
"NOPE!"

"REALLY?" You said, in a flabbergasted tone.

"Well, you said I didn't have to." She replied with a shrug of her shoulders.

"Well, I did, but I still hoped-"

"Too bad!" She cackled maliciously, as if being a dick to a random stranger was the funniest thing that she's ever done.  
Oh yeah, she was a villain, of course she'd enjoy being a total shit to a random stranger. Figures.

"Seeya!" She waved off, still giggling to herself as she sauntered away.

Ugh, villains were almost as tacky and insufferable as heroes you swear to god.

That's it, you're not gonna take this.  
For the sake of your pride.  
You were gonna kick her ass.

In the form of an arm wrestle.

"Hey, Demencia, let's make a bet..." You called out to her, she stopped in her tracks and turned to face you.  
"If I can beat you in an arm wrestle, you HAVE to pay for the damages" You put on the toughest, most intimidating tone you could muster as you pointed to her.  
She seemed mildly impressed, raising her eyebrow in interest.

"Oh? An arm wrestle huh? HAH! As if a wimp like you could beat ME, I'll destroy you like I destroyed your little ice-cream hut!" She laughed and pointed over your shoulder to the now-damaged shack behind you.  
You shook your head and stalked toward her.

"Well if you're so confident, then try me" You were now nose-to-nose with the girl, staring her down.

"Oh-ho-ho, you're ON" She said as she flashed you a fiendish grin.

So now here you were, face-to-face with the wild wench who called herself Demencia.  
(Now properly cleaned-up after a quick dip in the pond, and much less sticky, thank god)  
You looked each other dead in the eyes, each of you trying to intimidate the other.  
She was smirking.  
You decided to go with a stony glare.  
She was going down.

You quickly put you arm into position, Demencia mirroring your action with her own arm. Which, you've gotta admit, had some pretty impressive muscles.  
But no distractions! The was an arm-wrestle goddamnit! Your honor lays in the balance!  
Whatever 'honor' you had, anyways. Which admittedly, wasn't a whole lot.

You clutched her hand firmly as she was holding yours in a death grip, which you tried not to grimace at.  
She seemed to notice your discomfort anyways, and grinned.  
Alright, she was pretty tough, as if that wasn't evident enough given her reputation along with the events you witnessed earlier. There was no way you'd be able to win.  
Fairly, at least.

"Alright loser, on the count of three" You readied yourself as she count down.

"One... Two... THREE!"

It was on, the two of you began to push the others arm down with all your might.  
She was winning.  
Welp, you were right, there was no way you could win this fight fairly, so...

With all the strength you could muster, you kicked her right in the shin.

"OW!" She yelped loudly, faltering for only a split second before angrily slamming your arm onto the table, smacking against the wood painfully.  
Ye-ouch. Looks like you were gonna be getting a few splinters.

So you've lost. Shit.

Shit shit shit.  
You knew that you'd pissed her off now, judging by the angry expression she was shooting at you. Maybe kicking a dangerous villain wasn't the smartest thing you've ever done, but it's not like it'd be the first time you've gotten into a scuffle with one, having grown up being picked on by both hero and villain kids. With the scars to prove it.

"You CHEATER! You tried to CHEAT!" She seethed, baring her teeth. She looked like a power keg ready to blow. Your muscles tensed, prepared to fight her off if you needed, maybe even die, you didn't know.  
But then, her face fell into one of brief surprise. Before flashing you her signature cheshire grin. A grin you were, oddly enough, beginning to grow accustomed to, in spite of her... assholery.  
She did have a charisma, in her own way. With her infectiously excitable nature.

"Hey, I like your style!" She winked and gave you the finger guns, her once angry demeanor changing quickly into a cheery, jovial one.  
Phew! You were ready to get your ass kicked if things had gone awry, but you'd still rather not. Not with someone like HER.  
But again, you could totally take her. You've had your fights.  
Nah, quit kidding yourself. She was a monster.

"Hmmm, maybe you'd make a good villain!" She happily exclaimed, eyeing you with a newfound interest.  
"Heh, yeah, well... from you, I'll take that as a compliment" You smiled at her.  
It's not like you've never thought about it, the heroes you grew up around ever really liked or accepted you.  
You were too vulgar, to callous, too careless.  
Maybe you should just become a villain, drop out of your current college and enroll yourself in Black Hats.  
Just to spite them all.

"Welp, looks like you win, Demencia" Your pride had taken a bit of a blow from being beaten by the girl. But it's not the first time you've lost a fight, this was a wound you could nurse.

You stood to walk over to the ruined shack, assessing the damage.  
Buckets were strewn all over, its contents splashed all over the floor and the walls, the now melting ice cream beginning to seep into the wood of the stand. A big, gaping hole was in the right side of the wooden structure from when Demencia barged in as she was in her lack-of-sugar induced frenzy. The memory burned into your mind.  
Jesus Christ.  
You were so fired.

"Ugh, my boss'll be on my ass for this, looks like I'll have to find a new job" You sighed. A real damn shame, too, it was the only job you could manage to get after you got fired from your previous two for thievery and getting into a fist-fight with your manager.  
To be fair, your old manager totally deserved it, he was an asshole. Yelling at you just for stealing a couple packs of gum, the jerk.

"I'll do ya one better!" Demencia exclaimed, piquing your interest. Better? Did she know of a new place you could work? Will she actually give you money for the damages after all?

"Black Hat's been looking for a brand-new intern! And I think you're pretty cool, so I'm taking you to meet him!"

And with that, she proceeded to pick you up and put you beneath her arm with seemingly no struggle at all, dashing out of the park and running like hell toward where you assumed was the Black Hat Manor. Shocked, you tried in vain to struggle free, but it was of no use.

"Wait!" You cried. Black Hat. BLACK HAT.  
No, you had to think about this, you needed a new job sure, and few in the city would hire you with the reputation you had, but still.

Black Hat.

"I didn't even agree yet! I don't even know if I wanna be his intern!" You shouted at her, hoping that maybe she'd put you down and give you time to think.  
Or maybe run away.

"Too late!" And off you two went into the blazing sunset, possibly toward your demise.


	2. Close encounter with the nerd kind

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Demencia leaves you all alone in the manor to chase after an ice-cream truck, so you decide to take matters into your own hands and explore a bit, eventually coming across the science lab, where you have your fist meeting with Dr. Flug...

You were still held tightly against Demencia as she raced up to the old black gates that surrounded the daunting, Hat-shaped manor, setting you down before pressing the tiny red buzzer on one of the bars. A small speaker slowly began to rise up from the ground... but slowly. You took this time to straighten yourself up and observe your surroundings further as you stood in the deep shadow of the dark building.

Everything about the place screamed 'evil'. The manor loomed threateningly atop a hill, smack-dab in the middle of the street, surrounded by cluster of houses, it almost seemed as if everything was built _around_ it. Perhaps as to not to disturb the mysterious nightmare being that resided inside. You also noted the very ugly, un-kept lawn. Thin, sparse grass with patches of dirt strewn about everywhere. Seriously it was one the ugliest lawns you've seen in _awhile_ , Black hat really needs to invest in... in a grass-keeper or gardener or something shit, you didn't know. It was just evil, an evil ugly lawn.

You scratched at your neck as you continued to talk shit about the lawn in your head, Demencia was almost bursting with excitement as she quickly fixed up her hair, mascara and eyeliner at an inhuman speed. God, her energy must be boundless, she had carried you at least thirty blocks, and she hasn't even broken a sweat. Not one drop. You idly wondered what her workout regimen was, it had been awhile since you hit the gym. But there was no time for that garbage when there was college and _ice cream_ and just plain laziness to hold you back. You hadn't even touched your weights in weeks.

The speaker finally rose up to its full height, a callous voice speaking out gruffly from the other end.

" **Who _dares_ to interrupt my evil afternoon indoor golfing?** " Damn, the guy sounded like he smoked ten packs a day.

" _Hey Black Hat!_ " She sighed dreamily into the speaker, batting her eyelashes. You swear you could see little hearts swirling around above her head as she said that.

" **Go away Demencia.** " He growled back, agitation rife in his tone as he spoke to her. Huh, guess he didn't like her very much.

" _But I have your replacement in-tern!_ " Demencia replied in a sing-songy tone. What? Replacement? What happened to the last person?

The thought worried you, and you wondered if now was the time to just go ahead and run like hell while you still had the chance. For whether the internship was a paid one or not (although payment might warm you up to the idea), it probably wasn't worth working for Black hat. But after experiencing first-hand the speed and strength of the lizard-woman who carried you here, you decided that maybe that wasn't such a good idea.

" **Hm.** "Black hat grunted, he hardly sounded interested, but the two huge gates began to open slowly, creaking loudly as they did. Oh-so-slowly they opened up... almost... okay c'mon hurry the hell up you didn't have all day here.  
Finally, the large gates fully opened, allowing the both of you to walk through up the sidewalk that lead straight into the giant death-house. Yay! Ugh.

Demencia decided to yell at you on the way up.

" _WE JUST GOT THIS NEW BUZZER SYSTEM INSTALLED!_  Flug thought it was a good idea, I just think it's a good chance to talk to BLACK HAT!" Demencia exclaimed excitedly, her shrill voice echoing throughout the yard.

"And all I have to do is press a button! Over and over and over and OVER AGAIN!" She cackled loudly. Jesus, you almost pitied Black hat for having to get several annoying calls a day from his rabid fangirl at the front gate. Come to think of it she's probably had rabies at least _once_. Hopefully she's gotten her shots.

With Demencia running straight ahead, you came before the imposing building along after her. You looked up to catch sight of a brief flash of blue in one of the upstairs windows, not being able to make out what the thing was as the curtains closed swiftly. Ugh, who knew what kind of nightmare being that must have been. You hoped you wouldnt have to run into it, lest it tried to eat you alive or squeeze the life out of you. That'd be... pretty irritating.

Your neon-haired companion happily pushed open the manor door with ease, you stopped dead in your tracks, a sudden wave of fear overcoming you before you crossed the line between outside, and into whatever horrors Black hat possibly held for you. Demencia turned back to you, confused. She cocked her head to the side, urging you to walk in along with her. 

Taking a deep breath, you took slow, small steps into the manor, feeling an odd sort of warmth as you entered. It was a warmth that made your skin tingle unpleasantly, as if a great beast was breathing down hotly upon you. 

Looking around, the place could only be described as... darkly fancy. The wallpaper was a deep, muted red, with snazzy little hat designs lined neatly all about. Huge, grand pillars lined the walls, with a plush velvet carpet beneath your feet. Talking top-tier rich person stuff here, nice shit.

You examined the well-varnished tables of dark mahogany that were here and there, each one having lovely, deadly looking flowers placed neatly within expensive-looking vases. Hell, everything here looked expensive. Especially the huge chandelier that hung right over your heads, which was all black, even the diamonds. Wowie, this dude really knew how to spend his money didn't he?

You looked over to see Demencia gnawing on her arm, before sitting down to scratch the back of her ear with her own foot. Uh, Okay.

_Friggen' weirdo._

You still held some resentment for the girl for (probably) getting you fired and taking you straight to the most vile villain in all of existence. But again, she did seem to think she was helping, and she took a liking to you pretty quickly even though you kicked her in the shin. Maybe you should give her a chance, maybe she can be the first friend you've made since moving to hatsville. You admit she really was beginning to rub off on you with her amusing antics and wacky wild nature.

Suddenly, from outside, you heard a familiar, high-pitched tune. A tune that you'd heard many times throughout your youth, one that you slowly grew to hate over the years as you wished so badly that they'd just choose a new damn song already. Because you found it just that goddamn creepy and annoying.

Of course, it was nothing other then tell-tale song of the ice cream truck.

"ICE CREAM!!!" Demencia screamed, jumping up and down excitedly.

Lady, you've gotta be kidding.

"Dude, you literally just DESTROYED an ice cream shack. Your not really gonna go chase after that truck are you?" Right after you said that she put her entire hand over your face to shush you up.

"Hey I totally get what your saying and all, but I'm going to get some ice cream now." She whispered in a quiet, almost eerie voice as she stared you dead in the eyes.

"Seeya!" She piped up in her regular cheery tone, giving a quick wave before running out the door at a record-breaking speed.

"No, Demencia, WAIT!" You yelled after her.  
No, you did not get carried all the way to this creepy fucking manor that housed a murderous, demonic entity of your worst nightmares since you were a kid just for you to be left without your 'guide'.

"SORRY! I got more important things to do! I'll be back sooooon!" She yelled back, running down the sidewalk that lead to the gates of the manor, hopping right over them. Maybe she was part frog, too, given her impressive strong back lags.

"Why don't you go bug Flug for me!?  _Break some stuff!_ " She shouted back from a distance as she ran off after the truck.  
Yeah, that truck was fucked, there's no way it was going to survive that girl.

Sighing in frustration, you looked down the darkly-decorated corridor.  
Welp, looks like you were on your own for this, figures.  
You could just run away now that Demencia was gone, but curiosity ate at you endlessly. You were in the house of the most notorious villain known to mankind, and you kinda wanted to stay and find out just what was in store for you as his possible new intern, maybe even learn some secrets about him that no others would get the chance to. 

But again, you could die, you could totally die. Possibly a slow, painful, horrible death. You wouldn't even have a fighting chance, not against... _him_. Ugh, why did you ever think it was a good idea to move to Hatsville? If you had maybe just decided to go with your fifth-choice college then you wouldn't even be here right now. 

But as scared as you were, curiosity finally took over.

You slowly crept down the hallway, trying to make as little noise as possible as if Black hat was lurking around every corner. You eyed the various paintings of the man himself along the walls, the enormous portraits seeming to stare down at you, all with that same huge grin, looking at you like a slab of meat they couldn't wait to tear into.  
But again... they were just paintings.  
You hoped.

Further you walked, keeping a keen eye on the portraits, making sure they weren't all planning to ambush you or something. Ridiculous you knew, but they gave you the creeps, and you sure as hell weren't taking any chances.  
You mentally kicked yourself for thinking such foolish thoughts, you grew up never being scared of most anything, you were always the first to jump into a fight, the first to hop over the fence into that scary old mans yard to retrieve whatever toy your brother lost, the first to walk into the dark with or without flashlight.  
But this place... was something else, it had an undeniable foreboding feeling all throughout it. This was the domain of the one and only Black Hat.  
And for each step you took it felt like a step closer to your _death._

  
Suddenly, a loud and deafening 'boom' came from down the hall, a huge cloud of smoke bellowing from the right-hand side of the intersection up ahead.  
A couple coughs you heard before the sound of rapid footsteps come out of whatever room the explosion came from, the footfalls fading away to who knows where as the ploom of smoke quickly began to fill even the hall you were standing in.

You were immediately hit with a harsh, chemical-laced scent that almost burned your nostrils, covering your mouth and nose as you coughed. The smell was not unlike that of the one that wafted in the air after chemistry class one time after you threw a couple beakers at a kid who was picking on you for having no superpowers. The kid in question ended up getting minor burns on his arm and you got an in-school suspension. You distinctly remember your brother Ethan giving you a high-five as you strolled into the detention room.

Aw, you missed Ethan, you made a mental note to call him later and tell him about the wild, weird, shitty fucking day you've been having so far.

That is, if your still alive by the end of all this.

You quietly followed the smoke trail that lead to the right of the hallway intersection, pulling the collar of your shirt up over your mouth to try and block out the smell. It didn't work.

Cautiousy, you peeked over to a huge metal door that hung wide open, the person had left in such a hurry they didn't even bother to close it. Sweet.

Clouds of smoke were still rolling out from the entrance-although they were less dense now-and you quickly looked both ways to make sure no one was around before sneaking over.

Looking inside, you squinted your eyes trying to adjust to the darkness within, because _damn_ it was dark, aside from a few hints of light here and there. Harsh light was shining through a nearby window, possibly making the inside seem darker then it really was. So you decided to go ahead and do a little bit of investigating in what you deduced was a science lab. Or at least you hoped so, you always wanted to sneak into a mad scientists science lab. Maybe even steal something cool. Like a mutant rat named Harold. 

You creeped on in to the huge, dimly-lit laboratory, with Harold the mutant rat still on your mind, the only sources of light that you could see were coming from glowing liquids inside various containers and flasks that were sorted neatly on the many tables that were scattered throughout. Everything seemed to have its own special little place, it was all neat and tidy. The scientist must've been a hell of a neat-freak.

There were only faint traces of smoke in the air now, with the accompanying smell much weaker then before, thank Christ. You pulled your collar down from your mouth as you followed the smoke trail with your eyes, which seemed to come from a distant table. You caught sight of a few smashed containers and a dark black splotch, little wisps of mist rising up from the destruction. Welp, looks like you've found the source of the huge explosion. Whoo-hoo for mystery solving. 

Continuing on through the lab, you eyed an assortment of beakers as you walked past, seeing various versions of yourself; Tall, short, big, and thin as the curvature of the containers morphed your reflection into silly images. You decided to have a little fun and screw around for a bit, sticking your tongue out, making weird faces, and just making yourself look like a complete fool as you laughed at your own antics. But come on you were having a good time, and it not like anyone was looking so who gave a damn?

**"Who are you? And what are you doing in my lab?"**

"AH JESUS!" You screamed, whipping around to face whoever spoke.

He was a lanky boy, wearing a labcoat with jeans and a dark-blue shirt with a picture of a plane split in half. But most notably of all, he wore a bag over his head with a nifty pair of goggles.  
Ah, yes.   
Dr. Flug Slys, the Black Hat Organizations mad scientist.  
Although he didn't look very 'mad' to you, let alone evil. He never did, judging by how scrawny he was coupled with his nervous nature from what you've seen of the clips. Your oldest uncle was the only reason you saw any of the videos at all, as he was obsessed with the organization, and had a whole collection of the ads on VHS tapes in his basement. You liked to sneak down there with Ethan and watch them all on his old-ass T.V whenever he was too busy napping or gambling with his sketchy-looking friends.

Oh uncle, you weird, sad man.

Dr. Flug continued to stare at you, waiting on an answer. Oh, right.

"Who me? I'm Black hats new intern." You smirked. You admit that the dude was pretty damn adorable, as he tried to look intimidating, what with the way he was narrowing his eyes at you and standing up straight to make himself look taller. You admired his effort, but he really sucked at looking threatening.

"Yeah? Well I don't remember hearing him sending some dimwit into my lab to snoop around." He was clearly irritated, a rough edge to his nerdy-sounding voice as he glared at you. 

"You really shouldn't be here..." You noticed his hand slowly reaching down into his coat pocket, was he reaching for a weapon?

"...What you reaching for down there?" You pointed downward, eyes narrowed. If he was trying to bump you off he really had another thing coming...

"Th-that's none of your business..!" He snapped back, immediately pulling his hand from his pocket to point at you. Aw, he was trying to look intimidating again, _how cute_.

You smiled at him, he scowled.

"Really? If I didn't know any better I'd think that you were reaching for a weapon in there." You said in a sickly-sweet voice. This wimp had damn better not been trying to kill you or you'd be taking out a good old fashioned can of whoopass

"Just get out of my lab, **before I decide to make you into a test subject.** " He threatened, trying his best to seem scary even though he was a huge nerd. You couldn't help but laugh at his attempt.

"Stop laughing!" He shouted, stiffening his shoulders, clenching his fists as angry lines appeared on his bag. Ha! Adorable.

"Oh please, you don't scare me, toothpick." You said, taking a step closer. Now it was your turn to try your hand at intimidation.

"Careful! Or I'll make you regret calling me that..!" He glowered at you, getting right up in your face.

Huh, looks like he didn't find you very menacing either.

"Just try me." You said slyly, with a smile on your face. The two of you locked eyes for a few brief moments, staring each other dead-on. Until the sight of something particularly luminous at the corner of your vision caught your attention. You turned to see a small, very thin vial filled with some glowing red liquid laying on the table to the left of you. It was more bright and luminescent then any of the other liquids and gels you've seen in the lab. You felt a great need... to grab it.

"Cool stuff you got here." You reached to pick up the vial, holding it close to your face to get a better look. The liquid was a light, saturated red, almost pink. On closer inspection you could see it had very tiny, darker red blots moving around inside, not visible at all unless you looked at them real good. They moved so slowly, so calmly, like they hadn't a care in the world... you were mesmerized.

" _DON'T TOUCH THAT!"_  And then he had to ruin it.

"That is some _ULTRA RARE, HIGHLY EXPIRIMENTAL_ serum you're holding there!" You had no time to react as he snatched it from your clutch, hurriedly putting it into what looked to be a small fridge beneath a table. You could see small beads of sweat begin to form on his bag somehow as he nervously put the vial back into its proper place. Can paper bags have sweat glands? Find out more tonight at six.

He got up and straightened his lab coat, staring you dead in the eye.

"Alright, now get out." He demanded, pointing back toward the entrance.

"Hmm, no... I think I wanna stay." You drawled, picking up an empty flask. You tapped it lightly with your fingernails, the tiny impacts unexpectedly making it shatter into a thousand pieces, the little shards falling at your feet.

What the shit? This science equipment was either really fragile or you were tougher to then you thought.

"Oops." You whispered, as one more tiny piece of glass fell to the floor.

His eye twitched.

"No, nope, I really mean it. Get out." He insisted more firmly.

"Aw, come on, as if your not thrilled that I'm here." You teased, trying to play off your mishap. You didnt want to leave just yet, you wanted to learn more about that strange glowing red liquid that so captivated you. 

"Why would I be? I don't even know you."

"Oh really? then allow me to introduce myself." You said as you held out your hand, giving him your name.

He wearily reached out, taking hold of your fingers between two of his, trying to make as little contact as possible. He shook slowly, a bit awkwardly before quickly pulling his hand back, holding it close to his chest.

You then stared at each other for a few tense moments, unsure of what exactly to do or say next. Your eyes began to shift around the room, avoiding eye contact, you had a feeling he was doing just the same.

You hoped that he'd break the silence first, as you'd expected him to say something. But he wasnt. He remained silent. 

Ugh, why couldn't you think of anything to say? Goddamnit.

Uh... oke-doke then... guess... this is happening. God even your thoughts were getting awkward. 

"Okay it was nice to meet you but not really now go away now _LEAVE_." He said without pause, gesturing toward the door.

Fine, if he was so adamant on getting you to leave you'll leave. But he was just so fun to tease!

"Alright, alright, I'm leaving. It's just such a shame I have to leave a cutie like you so soon..." You sighed, moving to leave. A smirk played on your face when you caught sight of a light blush on his bag. How the hell can a bag sweat and blush anyways? Eh, you know, whatever. In a world where certain people could shrink down to the size of ants, breath fire, and crawl on walls, a blushing and sweating paper bag isn't too out of the ordinary.

"...Cute?" Flug questioned, quirking an eyebrow as he looked to you.

"You know it." You replied, turning back to wink at him.

"I'm not cute, I'm evil." He turned away from you, blush spread further across his bag as he tried to busy himself cleaning beakers with a cloth he pulled from his coat pocket.

"So don't call me cute!"

"But you are! In fact, I'm surprised you're even supposed to be 'evil' at all." You chided.

"I'll show you just how evil I am! If you'd care follow me into the basement..." He said with a hint of malicious glee.

"Eh, I'll pass." You replied nonchalantly, completely brushing him off.

"Instead, I'd like to know more about that serum of yours..." Something about that liquid gripped you, like it was... important. Maybe your intuition was just acting up, either way, you had to get some info out of him.

"Well I'm not telling you anything." He grumbled. Okay, you were probability just going to have to find another way to get know more about that serum.

But again... maybe a trusty old ego boost would do? Doesn't hurt to try and butter someone up to get what you want.

"Okay, alright, It's just... I dunno, you look like a pretty smart guy, I was just curious as to what someone as _clever_ and  _intelligent_ as you might've created." Okay maybe you were kissing ass just a bit too much, you should tone it down a bit.

"Heh, that's true, I _do_ have quite the brain!" Oh cool he's falling for it. Never mind, ass-kissing ahoy.

"Yeah! I mean-look at all this cool shit your working on! And is it really true that you've built each and every device and weapon that the company sells? Now THAT takes the mind of a true genius."

"Yes, YES! You're absolutely right! Finally, someone who _gets_ it!" He exclaimed happily, mollified. 

"Yeah, yeah, you're smart as hell. Now that that's settled, can I hear more about that serum of yours..?" You gestured to the small fridge just past him, hidden beneath the table.

"Oh, sure!"

Yes, SWEET! Hey, that was easier then you thought! Looks like he did have a pretty big ego surrounding his intelligence, good to know.

"That was formula R302, or 'Red Soldier' as I've dubbed it." He said matter-of-factly, holding up a finger as he spoke.

"Oh? And what does it do?" You questioned.

"If you don't remember, it's still in a very early stage of development, highly experimental. Effects vary." He replied sternly.

"BUT the most common effects include enhanced strength, speed, endurance."

"So it's like steroids..?" You've heard about performance-enhancing drugs, but never a performance-enhancing _serum_ of any sort. At least not one that was planned to be put on the markets. There were tales of heroes and villains alike that have made makeshift formulas in their basements, which gave rise to their powers. But such formulas were never released to the public.

"Hm, sorta, but it also comes along with giving the individual new powers. What powers exactly varies from subject to subject." Hm, interesting. Wish he'd elaborate further though, as you felt there was much he was keeping from you.

"But that's all I'm willing to share, I'm putting myself on the line even telling you that much. And it's already bad enough that Demencia blabbered about it." He turned his attention to cleaning up the shards off glass on the floor from the beaker you broke, quickly and carefully picking up and putting each individual piece in his hand before throwing it all into a nearby garbage can.

"Cool, cool... So what else are you working on, then?" You questioned, deciding to hop up and seat yourself on the empty space of a nearby table.

"That's classified." He replied bluntly as he worked to clean a flask.

"Aw really?" You mock-whined.

"Yes, I'm not stupid, I can't give away that kinda stuff to someone who doesn't even work here. Black hat will kill me." He gulped.

"Well, I might be working here soon..." You trailed off, although you were still unsure of the prospect, anxiety bubbling up within you at the thought of having to be interviewed by Black hat, not to mention the thought of actually working for him.

"Ha! Sure you will." He laughed.

Hold the fucking phone, did he just laugh at you?

"What? You think I won't get the job?" 

"I'm just saying, you don't look like the type of person who could... _handle_ working here." He began.

"Trust me I've been here for awhile, and you've gotta have guts if you want to work for the boss, and you..? Well, hate to say, but you don't look like you'll make the cut. _Sorry_." He said in an awful, condescending tone. He spoke to you as if he was talking to a small child, rather then a full-grown adult. Asshole.

"You think I don't have what it takes?!" You swiftly hopped down from the table you were seated upon. You totally had the guts! More guts then he ever would! Yes, it was true that you were scared as fuck, but you were getting this internship if it meant proving a point to this bag-headed scientist. Because there was no way in hell you were ever going to let someone tell you what you can and can't do.

"Trust me, I know you don't." He gave you a deadpan look.

"And how do you know that?" You shot back.

"I'm a genius, I just do."

"Oh, like _that_ makes any sense."

"Well your just gonna have to believe me because I know more then you."

"Well, your just gonna have to get used to me because that internship is **mine.** "

"HA! oh yeah, that's funny. Hey maybe you should just drop out of your college and go into comedy! I'm assuming your not offering your current institute _anything useful_ with your sub-optimal intelligence."

Okay that was it, you've had enough of this shit.

"Alright, listen to me, Dr. _GLUG_." oooh, sick burn.

"It's actually Flug-"

"Whatever." you silenced.

"Your going to be eating your words once you hear that I got that internship, understand?" You locked eyes with him, your harsh expression unwavering as your faces were mere inches apart.

"Oh, please, you wouldn't last a _day_ in this place."

"Wanna **bet?** " you spat.

"What're you guys talkin' about?" said Demencia as she hung upside down beside you.

"AHHH!" Screamed you and Flug in unison.  
How the hell'd she even get there? And so silently too? Why was she upside down? This lady was an enigma, good god.

"DEMENCIA! What are you doing? get down from there!" Flug scolded.

"UGH FINE." Demencia groaned dramatically as she fell to the floor with a 'thump'. She bounced up immediately, grabbing onto your arm. You took notice of the pink and blue splotches on her face, probably from cotton candy ice cream. You pitied the poor soul who was driving the ice cream truck on this fateful day. 

"Hey y'know, as much as I'd _love_ to watch you get beat up, they need to come with me now!" She held onto your arm tighter, looking to Flug.

"Okay, good-wait, _BEAT UP?!_ I could take them! I just-" He paused, before letting out a huge sigh, head held low, looking to be just about done with the both of you.

"Ugh, you know what, never mind. Just get them out of here." he grumbled, pinching his unseen nose bridge as he waved you two off.

"Alright, later NERD!" She stuck out her tongue at him as she pulled you away, earning from him an irritated grunt.

"Hat's been in a grumpy mood all day today, so you really came a bad time!" She giggled with barely contained glee as she escorted you out of the lab. And by 'escort' you mean she was pulling and tugging you along, as usual.  
As you were being dragged away, you could hear a dry chuckle escape the scientist, echoing all through the lab.

"Heheheh...

... _**Good luck.** "  _

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> SO! This chapter was written a bit differently from the first, it's also longer. Of course.  
> Demencia is a joy to write.  
> Reader can be kind of an ass.  
> Flug needs a break.  
> Also I hope this turned out alright!  
> I TRIED ME BEST.  
> (Also I feel that the first few chapters are going to be a little slow, it's pretty much reader being introduced to the characters, but I still try to make it interesting!)


	3. Interview with a demon who could stand to be a little nicer maybe

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> This is it. The dreaded interview. With the man in the top hat.  
> Hold onto your butts.

_Just another incompetent, no-body, disposable intern._

Flug thought as he worked to clean up his most recent failure, he went a little overboard with one of the mixtures, resulting in a embarrassingly huge explosion. He was just relieved that Black hat either didn't notice or care as he had to race out of the lab. The stench was _unbearable_.

And then when he when he went back, he found... you.

Who did you think you were? Entering his lab without his permission? 

And then you said you were here for the internship? Oh, please.

Come on! As if a brainless fool like you would get the job! As far as he was concerned, you were just another young hot-shot who was going to run out with your tail between your legs as soon as things got too tough. Pathetic.

Just like all the previous interns.

_...Although not all of them managed to make it out the front door._

He recalled with a light chuckle followed by a sigh, memories of his most recent expiriments flooding his mind.  
At least when you _do_ inevitably get thrown out of the Bosses office (if he doesn't decide to kill you, that is) he could send one of the hat-bots to snatch you up and bring you down into the lab basement.

Ah, yes! That'd be nice, he did happen to be running a little low on human subjects, and he didn't really like having to revert to rats or mice.

_They can't scream as well._

Yes, send you a hat-bot, and then he could take great joy in showing you first-hand just how very evil he was. Never again would you doubt it! Never again would you insult his evil by calling him... 'cute'.

He'll approach you with a syringe fillied with Red Soldier, a full dosage in fact! Especially for you! Revelling himself in the image of your stupid,  _good-looking_ , panic stricken face, finally wiped clear of that stupid, STUPID-wait, wait _what..?_

Uh. Nope, he was most certain he didn't totally think of you as 'good-looking'. 

No, he was absolutely certain he didn't think of you as attractive in any way what so ever. That was preposterous, idiotic! I mean, why would he? You were so, so... _insufferable!_

He could feel a blush spread across his face.

UGH! No more wasting his think-time on you, he had work to do!

And with that, he quickly went back to cleaning up the table, trying his hardest not to think about you as his bag got ever more red.

 

The same feeling of foreboding that you felt earlier washed over you in waves as Demencia pushed you closer and closer to the grand door that lead into his office.  
Black Hats office.  
You were shitting bricks. You weren't ready for this. But it's not like you had much of a choice, certainly the guy would be pissed if you just ran out on him now, and you didn't want to look like a huge chicken shit either, you had a point to prove to that pretentious, know-it-all Dr. Flug.  
You were _tough_ , you were _fearless_ , and you could  _totally_ handle working for the Black hat corporation.

Totally, you convinced yourself.

You did what you did best and sucked it up, taking a deep breath and relaxing your quivering muscles. Smoothing out whatever nervousness or stress you had previously, putting on your harshest, most resilient expression that you could muster. You couldn't show this guy that you were scared, he might take advantage of that. Even though you were very much terrified of the demon, ever since the horror stories you were told as a kid, even as you spouted that if he ever messed with you you'd take him down, beat him into the ground and make him _regret_ it.

God, you were such a little idiot. Still are, honestly.

So now the game was real, here you stood before his door as you-

"Hey are you gonna go in or what? You've staring at that door for like five minutes." Said Demencia as she leaned against the wall, frowning at you as she impatiently tapped her foot against the ground.

"Demencia, you completley derailed my train of thought, I was kinda having a dramatic moment here." You glared at her. Damn, it was such a good thought train too. Thanks a lot _Demencia._

"Well SOR-RY! But your taking  _so long_!" she groaned, rolling her eyes, giving a brief stretch before walking toward you.

"Here, let me help!" She exclaimed excitedly as she hurriedly got behind you and pushed you in through the door.

Can she just, let you go in your own for once?

  
The room was huge and cavernous, fitting that such a big-shot like him would have an equally big office. The room had the same plush red carpet as the rest of the manor, and the same wallpaper. And oh hey the pillars are here too! Nice.

Something gleamed at you at the corner of your vision, looking to see a well-polished dagger placed into a holder atop a small table, looking all prim and proper. In fact, he had a lot of weapons. Swords, spears, mallets, spiky thingys, all of which neatly lined the walls and adorned the shelves. He really had it all. 

Looking up, you caught sight of a book with teeth, it's glowing red eyes peering at you menacingly from its shady spot on top of a huge shelf, a shelf that held a vast amount of books full of endless knowledge. Probably. They could very well just be for decoration, like, he was rich he could totally spend an outrageous amount of money on fake books.

Several miscellaneous shit also caught your attention as you were pushed along, like animal mounts, some statues, skulls of various unknown creatures placed here and there, that creepy clown statue.

You had to admit, you were really digging his interior decorating (minus the clown statue you didn't know what the hell was up with that). Guy had good taste.  
And you'd probably try to steal that nice looking dagger later on if your possible new boss wasn't an eldritch abomination monster who could bite your head off.

Demencia skidded to a stop right behind a small chair that sat just in front of his desk, probably placed to be your seat for the duration of the interview. This nightmare fucking interview you weren't at all prepared for. 

For a few moments, all you could see was the back of his huge chair.

Then he spun around dramatically like those bad guys you've seen in movies, with all the flair of a true villain.

Neat, you've always wanted to see that in real life, he did it very well too.  
Maybe you should get a huge chair and practice spinning in it, be good for making people uncomfortable if you master the art of the evil introductory chair spin.  
You idly wondered if he ever practiced spinning in his chair aswell, you smirked at the thought.  
His feral grin quickly turned upside down as he growled at you.

"Just what are you smiling about?" he demanded. The small smirk you had on dropped immediatley as you felt youself shrivel up under his gaze. Now THAT cleared your mind, no time for silly thoughts when you were in the presence of the most evil being in the universe.  
A deep sense of unease crept over you as you looked at him, sitting darkly in his chair as he once again grinned his huge grin as he stared you down, not unlike the smiles those paintings gave you, one that waited to tear into you at any moment.

"That will be all, Demencia." He dismissed her, she squealed with joy at his attention, giving you a thumbs up before running off.

You stood there awkwardly for a few moments, still trying to keep yourself from shaking. You began to feel small droplets of sweat run down your forehead, despite the chill of the room. Seriously though can't he afford a thermostat? Its cold as balls in here.

You fiddled with your fingers absentmindedly as your eyes shifted around, looking to anywhere else but him. No, no, you have to make eye contact, people tell you its rude not to. Even if it sucks ass.

"Greetings, little one." He spoke in his signature gravelly voice. You couldn't help but flinch back a bit.

"Hello." You replied, your voice coming out as a shrill whisper. Welp, so much for looking tough.

His smile stretched wider, feeding off of your fear. 

"Sit." He ordered, gesturing toward the small chair. You did as he told, seating yourself.

You shifted in your seat, trying to sit up as straight as possible. Look professional, or at least, as professional as someone like you can be. You were in your lazy clothes, as you didn't expect to be in this position at all when you started your day. At least he didn't seem to mind, so uh, good sign you guessed.

You were running primarily on spite, you didn't even wanna work here, you were basically _kidnapped_ for gods sake. But remember, if you get this, you could totally go and rub your victory in  _Dr. Glugs_ face, and as a bonus, maybe you'll learn some cool secrets to sate your curiosity surrounding the demon. As he did so perplex you.

But wait a minute, were you really willing to try and ignore your fear of the murderous, monstrous nightmare being before you, a being who's known as the most notorious villain around, one who's killed _millions_ , and get an internship working for him, just to get back at someone who told you that you couldn't?

Wow you were so unbelievably petty. You should get a fuckin' medal.

"So, just want to get this one out of the way... tell me a little about yourself." He smiled.

"Well, well, my, uh..." You stammered, seeming to entirely forget something as basic as your own name as he stared at you.

Okay, okay, deep breath. He's only a mass-murderer who could kill you in an instant, you'll be fine!

"My name is-"

"Ugh, never mind, your _boring_ me already." He said with a roll of his eye, waving you off.

Wow, what an asshole. You really hope he couldn't read your thoughts, and it's not like you expected him to be nice but _wow_ , what an asshole.

"Next question: Why do you want to work for the Black Hat Organization?"

"Because..." Shit, why would someone wanna work here? Because..

"...Because, evil is my life."

What the hell, was that really the best you could come up with? You were usually much better at lying then that. That was just _sad._

"Hm, that so? Do you have any... _more_  you'd like to say on that?" He questioned.

"Uh... nope! Evil is my life! All there is to it!" You gave a shaky smile. 

Good lord this interview was already going to shit, you could just feel it falling apart.

"You could have been more elaborate. But fine, moving on."

You internally face palmed, how were you going to bullshit this bullshit fucking interview?

You then heard some giggles and snickers from high above, and you look up to see none other then Demencia, crawling around on the ceiling like the weird scary lizard chick she was. What the hell was she even doing? You almost didn't even want to know.

Then she noticed you glancing at her, to which she responded by putting a finger to her lips, signifying you to keep quiet.

"What are you looking at? Are you forgetting that your in the middle of an interview!?" Black hat snapped.

You quickly looked back to him, feeling a surge of fear at the anger in his voice, you REALLY weren't looking to piss this guy off, you kind of wanted to _live_ after all this.  
He was glaring at you, looking unimpressed at your perceived short attention span, but then, not being able to ignore his own curiosity, he too looked up.

"WHA-? DEMENCIA! GET DOWN FROM THERE THIS INSTANT!" His eye went wide as he yelled at her, red veins popping up out of the whites.

Immediately, Demencia pushed herself off of the ceiling, turning her body mid-fall to land on all fours right on top of Black Hats desk, making every object on the surface jump.

"Aw, I missed! I was aiming for you!" She pouted at him, still crouched on all fours.

"But you would've caught me, wouldn't you Hatty? In your big, strong arms-!" She squealed, giggling happily.

Black Hat looked like he was just about to lose his shit. His eye had turned pitch black, with his pupil accompanied by the veins surrounding it a bright, beating red. You were sure he was going to bite her face off or something, until he took a deep breath, composing himself.

"Demencia, get off of my desk and go stand in that corner, NOW." He growled at her, pointing to a lonely little corner at the far end of the room.

"Anything for you, _handsome!"_ And with that she eagerly hopped up off the table and ran all the way to the little corner, laughing gleefully as she did so.

Black Hat groaned in disgust mingled with annoyance, massaging his temples as he closed his eye in frustration.

"See what I have to deal with? It's like having to look after a bunch of horrible, stupid children." He said, leaning his head in his hand.

"This is a company, not a goddamn daycare center." He grumbled.

"Oh yeah, I remember working at a daycare center once." You said, trying to make conversation, thinking it'll help you warm up to him maybe.

You had only applied at the suggestion of your mother, working there for a good few weeks. Then a two year old bit you and you called animal control.

Needless to say you were fired.

"Oh really? How very interesting." He replied, his voice dripping heavily with sarcasm, looking at his gloved hand like it was more interesting then anything you had to say. Okay now he was starting to piss YOU off, he may terrify you but few things tick you off more then sarcasm and condescension.

 _"Asshole.._ " You grumbled under your breath.

 **"What?"** Oh crap he heard you.

"N-nothing!" You stuttered, your voice going up an octave.

"Had better have been 'nothing'." He spat, baring his teeth at you as he glared.

His eye bore into you for an intense few moments as you slunk further into your chair; a futile attempt to escape his gaze. The soft ticking of the old grandfather clock-alongside Demencia's gnawing and scratching-where the only noises that filled the room.

"Let's just move on, shall we?" He said finally, narrowing his one eye at you. You sat up straighter, feeling the uneasiness of the moment wear off, but still felt the weight of his disdain upon you.

He hates you! Great. Although to be honest he didn't seem to like you much beforehand anyways, maybe he just hated everybody. 

"Now please tell me, what do your insides taste like-" He threw himself into a fake-ass coughing fit, which went on for just a bit too long. Nice play-off hat man.

"-Ahem, excuse me, I mean, what makes you _useful_ , exactly?" He said as he grinned wider. The question caught you off-guard. What _does_ make you useful? Not even you knew.

"Um, well, I like to think I'm pretty good at fighting, and stealing... and picking locks?" That was an understatement, you were shit at picking locks.

He let out a heavy sigh.

"So..." He pinched his nonexistent nose bridge in frustration.

"...Your trying to say that you have no powers, and no real talents to speak of?"

Ugh, just what can you say to make yourself look good?

"Well, I might! Actually! I mean, I really don't think so but my parents keep saying I'm a 'late-bloomer' or some shit, and that it's only a matter of time. But then again, every other hero in my family got their-"

 **"** _**You come from heroes?"** _

The unexpected volume of his voice made you jump in your seat. Oh hell why did you feel the need to mention your heroic family? And why did you think mentioning the fact that you were the only one with no powers would make you look good? Jesus.

"Well... yeah." You sighed.

"Ugh, a hero-born. Fantastic." He groaned, sliding a hand down his face.

"Eh, no matter, I suppose your just going to have to work to prove that you've truly rejected your hero roots."

"But again, I suppose you have already been accepted into my _evil_ university, so that's a start. Even though I'm not entirely sure _how_.."

This jerkhole sure loves to say the word 'evil' doesn't he. Wait, evil university? You didn't go to his freaking University.

"Come to think... what field of eviltry are you studying, anyways?"

"Uh..." Crap, you can't think of anything. So you have two choices: Tell the truth or bullshit.

You remained silent a few moments longer then he liked, evident by the unimpressed expression that coloured his face.

"Well?"

"Evil... Science." You said, your mind turning to that dickwad Dr. Flug. You wondered what he was doing right now, probably being a jerk. A cute, snobby little jerk. An ass, a dingaling, a dorkalork. Okay quit trying to insult him he's not even here.

But 'Evil Science'? Really? You've gotta be fucking kidding yourself, only an idiot would believe something like that.

He continued to stare at you blankly for a few moments, until his eye lit up in recognition.  

"Ah! Yes, of course, the Evil Sciences." He exclaimed, smiling.

_Oh thank Christ._

"How far are you along in your studies, then?" He questioned.

"First year!" Actually fourth, but your mind was too panicked to think things through.

"Newbie then, hm?" He replied, putting a hand to his chin in thought.

"Have you made any heinous inventions yet? Performed any diabolical experiments? If so, _please_ tell." And there he went smiling again, how does his face not hurt from stretching it that wide?

"Uh, not yet, exactly... I'm still getting everything together." Yeah, like hell you were. Your brother may be a chemist but you couldn't do science for shit, but you always did have an interest in biology and genetics. You just couldn't build, or make compounds or whatever they're called. Chemistry stuff.

"Oh! Well that's a shame. I really do hope I get to see whatever malicious machines or wicked concoctions you've come up with!" He exclaimed happily.

Okay, he was being oddly friendly now. TOO friendly. Like a soccer mom at a potluck, all smiles but there was fierce aggression lurking behind his cheery exterior.

"That is... if you're **telling the truth."** His voice had fallen into deep and dangerous tones, catching you in your lie.

Shit!

"Did you really think I'd believe you when you said 'Evil Science'? Are you serious? What kind of idiot do you think I am!?" He said angrily, clenching his fists.

"You don't actually attend my university do you? Ugh, of course not, as if a talentless hero-born would ever be accepted." He said with a shake of his head.

"I told her to go fetch a student from my university, and she brought back a useless little nobody! Don't know why I even _try_ with her." He grumbled to himself, referring to Demencia.

You sat in silence, not knowing what to say as he called you out.

"Your being awful silent, do you have anything to say for yourself?" You shrank back from his harsh tone.

"I'm sorry! Uh... Lord Black Hat! I just... panicked!" You said, making sure to add that extra 'Lord' to prelude his name, you've heard that people often referred to him that way. You hoped it would help to cool off his anger a bit.

It didn't.

"And so you tried to lie to my face? Me? Black Hat? I reckon you must have some kind of death wish pulling crap like that." He growled, you could see the whites of his eye begin to darken again, angry that you tried to make a fool of him.

Not being able to look at him much longer, you turned around to face Demencia who was still standing at the far corner of the room, silently begging her to help you out. All she did in response was wave, either not seeing your pleading expression or just not giving a shit. You silently cursed her for getting you into this mess before turning back to the monster.

"Don't go on thinking she'll save you, hero-born." 

"In fact, I think she'd quite enjoy seeing me rip you to shreds." He said, grinning from ear-to-ear. His eye was fully black now, and thick globs of saliva were beginning to drip down from his mouth. Literally drooling at the prospect of giving you a violent end.

"Ah, yes! Tear you apart and then I could take great joy in mailing some of your limbs to your _pathetic family of heroes."_ He chuckled darkly.

The grotesque imagery of your parents receiving parts of you at their doorstep made you shudder. This guy was seriously fucked up. But you expected no less from someone as terrible and awful and downright horrible as him. 

"The rest would go to Demencia, as she does love having her play-things." He laughed.

"Does make a hell of a bloody mess though, but no matter, that blasted bear always manages to clean up well. One of the only things he's good for.."

You were beginning to have a _serious_ inclining he was going to do you some great bodily harm within the next few minutes, so you decided that now was the prime time to make your grand exit.  
Slowly you got out up out of your chair, never taking your eyes off of him as you walked backward toward the door.

"Uh... hey man, thanks for having me! I'll be sure to leave my resume out front, maybe stuff it in your mailbox as I leave, but uh, this was nice! Hope I get the job but if not- _BYE!"_  

You swiftly turned tail to make a break for it, running as fast as you could toward freedom. Alright, so maybe that asshole Flug was right, but that wasn't important, your biggest concern now was to get as far away from Black Hat as possible, no room for pettiness or spite anymore. You had to LIVE!

You gave a quick wave to Demencia before you burst through the doors, slamming into the wall as you ran out. You shook it off before racing down the hallway, pumping your legs faster as you heard Black Hat command Demencia to go after you.

Several twists and turns were made as you traversed through the hallways, trying your best to remember the paths you and Demencia took when she was dragging you around. You turned a sharp corner when you bumped into something hard and metallic, falling right on your ass.

"OW! My ass!" You said as you rubbed your lower back. You looked up, expecting to see one of those top-hat-wearing knight suits you remember passing by earlier. 

Instead, you were greeted by a big, smiling robot, donned with a top-hat and a blood red eye. From out behind it strolled Dr. Flug, controller in hand.

Ugh, this asshole again.

"So did you actually think you could just... run away? HA! No one escapes the boss, especially with my help!" He said with pride. Jesus, when will he ever get off his goddamn high-horse?

"Our security system-that _I_ built!-has been set to high-alert, with that kind of defense, there's no way you'll make it out with all your limbs intact. Or at all."

"So you had better do the _smart_ thing and stay right where you are." He finished, looking down on you.

"Oh, and I see you've met one of our hat-bots! Impressive, isn't he?" He said as he gave the hunk of metal a firm pat. You shot him a glare from where you still sat on the floor.

"Made of 1000 pounds of pure titanium, good for giving literal bone-crushing hugs, and capable of doing substantial amounts of damage to the heroes that get in the way of your evil doings, all of which was built and designed by yours truly-Dr. Flug Slys!" He boasted as he leaned up against the machine, probably thinking he was the hottest shit. 

"Yeah, yeah, _cool."_ You rolled your eyes _._

"Now out of my way, dipshit." You said as you got up, bumping his shoulder as you pushed past him. You began to speed walk down the hallway as fast as you could, not being so keen on showing him you were scared out of your mind by breaking out into a full-out sprint like you were just seconds earlier. You had already embarrassed yourself enough.

"Hat-bot, capture them!" You started to run once again as you heard the rapid stomping of footsteps from behind. Not being able to get very far until you felt two cold, massive metal arms wrap around you, almost taking the breath right out as they squeezed. You kicked and struggled helplessly as it brought you back toward the scientist, who was looking way to proud of himself as you came near.

"Flug: one, You: zero." He said smugly as he leaned in toward you. You curled a lip at him before spitting at his face, causing him to stumble back in surprise.

Ha! Score one for you!

He shakily reached a hand to touch at the wad of spit that was now dripping down his bag, pulling it back to stare in horror at the saliva that now coated his fingers.

"That's..! Why you..! This is...! So... unsanitary..!" He stammered, his left eye twitching uncontrollably. Oh dear, it looks like you've broken him. So little ole' Flug really doesn't like germs huh?

Good to know.

"DISGUSTING!" He screamed, scrambling to pull out a white cloth from his coat pocket. You laughed has he hurriedly wiped away the glob.

"So THIS the kind of thanks I get!?" He said, glowering at you as he continued to wipe at his bag.

"Oh, what? I'm sorry, did you expect a hug and a kiss for sending your little robot after me?" You replied in a sickly-sweet voice.

"Why you brainless..! I was going to take you to my lab!"

"-To be your test subject, right?" You replied bluntly, a small smile playing on your face.

" _NO!_  Uh, I mean, I mean, _yes!_ But even _that_ would be merciful in contrast to what my boss has in store for you." He said coolly.

"Oh really? Gonna 'torture' me huh? Pft! At least Black Hat would have the decency to kill me on the spot." You joked.

"Stop joking around and just LISTEN!" He yelled back.

"What makes you think I'd even wanna be your ginuea pig? Like I said, sounds like torture." You shrugged. Although you didn't really think a lot of actual torture would be going on, he didn't look like the type who would be able to... stomach it. He's too much of a wimp for that. 

"But it's not so terrible! Once you get used to it! A lot of my long-term subjects find that they build up a sort of pain-tolerance to my work. Plus, you get three meals a day, courtesy of the Black Hat Organization, free of charge! Also with occasional t.v privileges! on top of, you know, getting to  _live."_ He proclaimed, acting much like he was trying to sell or advertise to you some sort of product. HA! As if the life of a test subject was somehow supposed to be _appealing_ to you.

Nah, if you had any choice, you'd rather be mangled by Black Hat.

"Hm, yeah no, like hell I'm going anywhere with you, do me a favour and take me to your boss will ya?" You said in jest. You were perhaps taking this all too lightly, but it's not like you were going to be making it out at this point anyways, so you may as well go ahead and accept you fate.

"What?!"

"You heard me, take me to your boss. Or let me escape, that'll also be nice." You smiled.

"Why you ungrateful..!" He seethed, clenching his fists in anger. He took a deep breath, calming himself, before leaning in close to whisper to you.

"Look, if you'd just use your head and _think_ about this for a few moments you'll see that I'm doing what's best for you." Ugh, there he goes with his shitty, condescending attitude again.

"So why don't you just admit that you were _wrong_ , and I'll tell the boss that I've taken you in as a subject, then-"

"I'm not admitting anything to you narcissistic ass! You just wanted to come and gloat didn't you? Wanted me to bow and down and kiss at your feet and tell you that you were right about everything huh? Well too bad! Because you ain't getting anything outta me." You hollered at him.

Ah, so your pettiness and pride prevails. Hey nice alliteration.

"You are being so DIFFICULT!" He yelled, harsh, angry lines etched on his bag.

"You know what? Fine! If you want to go to Black Hat so bad I'll take you to him, but it's your funeral." He finished, Turning to make his way around the corner until he peered up to see Demencia, crawling on the ceiling. He cried out in surprise as she turned her head, looking down to see you all, lighting up as she caught sight of you. She happily pushed herself off the ceiling, landing on all fours beside the scientist.

"Oh hey, good job nerd! You caught them for me!" She exclaimed, standing up straight to slap him on the back. He lurched forward at the impact, almost falling to the floor as Demencia cackled.

"Now tell the robot to drop them and I'll take them back to Black Hat!" Demencia said with malicious glee. Man, to think you once actually considered becoming _friends_ with this villain. Because that's just what she was, a freaking villain. Ugh, you really were an idiot were you? Heroes weren't friends, and neither were villains, didn't you learn your lesson the first time?

"Correction, _I'll_ take them back to Black Hat." Flug replied, shooting you a glare, to which you introduced him your trusty middle finger.

"What!? NO WAY! I will!" She yelled in response.

"I was the one who caught them, so I get to take the credit!" He fired back. Actually Flug, it was the Hat-bot who caught you, so where's his credit?

"Nuh-uh!"

"Yeah-huh!"

"No!"

"Yes..!"

Oh good lord it _was_ like watching after a bunch of children, these two bickered with each other like you and Ethan did when you were five. Guess you could sympathize with Black Hat for having to listen to these two argue with one another on a daily basis.

You remained hanging in the robots grasp for another few minutes, resting your cheek against your hand in boredom as you watched them fire back and forth. You decided to take the time to recall the events that lead you here.

So at the beginning of the day, you were in college, then you had to work the ice cream stand, then Demencia came and fucked it up, then she kidnapped you and took you to the house of the most dangerous villain in the universe, then you met that overconfident, condescending Dr. Flug, then Black Hat threatened to tear you limb-from-limb during the interview, then you made a run for it, and now your trapped here watching these two argue like little kids.

This day was fucking garbage, and you were sick of this shit.

"Oh will you two just SHUT THE HELL UP ALREADY!?" You screamed, feeling your body go hot with pent-up rage.

Flug and Demencia stopped abruptly, staring at you wide-eyed, guess they didn't expect you to yell so loud. Honestly you were just glad they finally shut their mouths.

"Thank you." You sighed, feeling yourself cool down at the stop of their arguing.

The two turned to look at each other in mild surprise, before shrugging it off.

"Fine, we'll just bring them to him together, come on Hat-bot." Flug said as he turned the corner off toward the office.

"Ugh, fine. But I get to tell him!" Demencia complained, walking alongside the hat-bot as it carried you.

"Black Hats gonna be so glad to see you again! You've really made him mad, you know!" She whispered to you excitedly, her cheshire grin taking up half her entire face.

"Oh, joy." You replied flatly.

Yeah, you were so dead.

 

The doors to the office burst open as Demencia barged her way in, with Flug and the hat-bot walking hand-in-hand in right after as you were carried. At the end of the room you spotted Black Hat, sitting in his chair with a sour expression on his face, not at all pleased with your attempted escape. You all made your way over to his desk, Demencia hopping up to sit on top of it while the bot roughly plopped you back down into the tiny chair, it's cold metal hands placed firmly on your shoulders to dissuade you from trying to make a break for it again.

"I brought them baaack!" Demencia chimed, batting her eyes prettily at Black Hat.

" _Ahem_." Flug cut in, scowling at her with his arms crossed.

"Ugh, I mean, _we_ brought them back." She corrected herself, to which Flug seemed to calm down a bit as he relaxed his shoulders. They were probably hoping for some sort of gratitude from their boss, who still looked sour as ever as he stared at you menacingly.

"Whatever, now stand back, you'll all get in the way!" He replied, not giving the thanks they hoped for as he stood up. Flug, Demencia, and even the Hat-bot backed away in fear, understanding what was going to happen next. All you could do was remain in the chair, sweating bullets as the demon stared you down.

"Uhm, sir, are you sure they-" Flug piped up nervously.

"QUIET!" Barked Black Hat, causing Flug to Shrink back in fear.

He turned right back to you, again gazing at you with murderous intent.

"You made a big mistake, trying to run from me. This entire interview was a waste of my time, and your going to pay for it-"

_"-WITH YOUR LIFE!"_

And with that, his body quickly contorted and twisted before your eyes, swearing you could hear the wet snapping of bones and the like as he grew several times larger, his jaw unhinging to create a huge, gaping mouth. His teeth gnarled and elongated themselves to adjust to it's new size. His arms stretched and cracked, synchronized with the crackling of his hands and fingers as great sharp claws burst free from the confines of his gloves, moving to hold them high up over his head in a threatening fashion.

He was much taller now, almost reaching the ceiling as he loomed, trapping you in the darkness of his shadow. He grabbed you with his now enormous hand, holding you in a death-grip as he brought you up toward his face. It was useless to struggle, you knew, but by god you were trying anyways, as hopeless as it was.

 **"It's so rude to run out on an interview, you know, you should be ashamed!"** He boomed, his voice deep and demonic. He was smiling like a maniac, his razor-sharp teeth coated heavily with saliva. Lines of drool were making their way down from his mouth, a huge glob of it almost hitting you as it fell to his hand, you recoiled from it as it did.

**"Why, I didn't even get to ask you the final question!"**

Oh God. Another question? Will this nightmare interview ever end? Was this what hell was like? Were you in hell? Why doesn't he just go ahead and fucking eat you already.

 **"Now tell me..."** He leaned in close to your face, unable to avoid the hot stench of his breath as he bared down on you.

**_"What is the thing that terrifies you the very most, in the entire world?"_ **

_"You."_ You said without a second of hesitation.

In the moment, it was entirely true, given that he was going to be the one to end your life in a few short moments. In front of Demencia, in front of that hat-bot, and in front of that smug-ass Dr. Flug who was probably going to be giving your corpse an 'I told you so' after this monster was through with you.

If there's any of you left, that is.

 **"Excellent answer!"** He exclaimed with joy as he laughed long and loud, you wanted to cover your ears at the volume as the terrible sound rung out throughout the office, but your arms were firmly trapped within his hold.

 **"But unfortunately for you, that's not enough to save your life, so bon appétite!"** You only saw the darkness of his mouth as he opened wide, preparing to drop you right in as he craned his neck and lifted you high above. Well this was a fucking load of bullshit, you weren't planning on being someone's dinner today but I guess life just loves to fuck you in the ass doesn't it?

Ugh, this was never how you wanted it all to end.

 **"Wait a minute... I smell something."** His enormous eye widened a bit. Slowly closing his gaping maw as he once again lowered you to look you in the face.

Then... he smelled you. Taking in a deep whiff as you remained in his grip uncomfortably. Well, it was preferable to being vored ( _eaten!_ ) so... whatever.

 **"Ah... yes. _Melonia_. You've come back."** He smiled.

Wait, Melonia? As in, Melonia Ignia? You weren't her, she was long dead. What the hell was he on about on your _very dead_ ancestor?

 **"Yes... this is very pleasing."** He smiled even wider, which should be impossible but Black Hat seemed to give a big old middle finger to the laws of nature.

He set you down on the ground, nearly falling over as your limbs had grown numb from how tightly he had held you. As you shook out the pins and needles, he reverted back to his 'normal' form, a lot smoother and quicker this time. When he finished, he stood tall, with his hands behind his back, once again looking like the darkly elegant gentleman that he liked everyone to think of him as.

"As I was about to devour you, I had... _a change of heart."_ Yeah right _,_ as if he even had one.

"But disregard all that! You're hired!" He exclaimed.

Your jaw fell agape in shock and surprise, just a minute ago you were certain he was going to eat you alive, and now he was saying you were hired for the internship?

You looked at Demencia, who was giving you a huge smile followed by a wink, you took notice of the fact her forehead was wet with old sweat. Maybe she did worry for you after all, or maybe she was just that scared of her boss, as much as she claimed to 'love' him. Who knows?

You shakily smiled back at her, just relieved that this interview was finally over.  
You then looked to Flug, who appeared to be just as sweaty as Demencia was, still seeming to experience the aftershocks of the anxiety that thwacked him just moments ago. You also took into account the surprised expression he wore, disbelief that you were still alive.

So he was wrong, you got the internship, and now you got to rub it in his face, just like you planned.

You flashed him a prideful grin, to which he glared, turning away as he crossed his arms in a pout.

Sweet, _sweet_ victory. Oh, but you weren't done yet.

"I told you you'd have to be getting used to me, Dr. Glug." You said as sauntered over to him, leaning into his space.

"It's _Flug._ " He grumbled back, pronouncing it like 'floog', as you just now noticed.

"Alright... Dr. Chug." You replied with a smirk, snickering to yourself as he fumed.

"DR. PUG." Said the Hat-bot.

"Haha! Hey! Even the metal-guys in on it!" You laughed, patting the robot on its metallic shoulder.

"More like Dr. Smug!" Demencia chimed in eagerly.

"Nice!" You gave her a high-five, briefly forgetting your resentment of the girl as you laughed along. But yeah you were still pretty freaking pissed that she tried to sell you out to her boss. But maybe you can find a way to move past that, somehow, you really wanted to have a friend when working here, and you had already made an enemy out of Flug so it's not like he was an option.

"Is it pick on Flug day or what!" He said as he threw up his arms.

"Oh, Flugbug, its ALWAYS pick on Flug day!" Laughed Demencia.

"All of you shut up!" Yelled Black Hat, interrupting your banter.

The room fell silent as he strolled up to you, his attention solely on yourself. He then grabbed your shoulder, a bit too roughly, pulling you closer to him. You looked up as he beamed down to you, greeted once again by those sharp teal teeth, his eye roiling with some sort of malicious intent that made you shiver. But such was Black Hat, and you guessed you'd have to get used to that, to _him._

"Well, little intern..."

 

**"Welcome to the Black Hat Organization!"**

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So! This chapter was a doozy to write, because Black Hat was being DIFFICULT.  
> But I hope it's okay!  
> I think I'll be able to do 1 chapter every 7-10 days, roughly, although I may take short breaks from time to time to stop me from burning out.
> 
> But damnit I'll TRY.
> 
> And thanks for all the Kudos + Comments! It keeps me going! ❤️


	4. Bathrooms are a great place to have quiet conversations

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Demencia gives you a lift, Jerome is sleeping and your brother insisted on having that ringtone.

" **You can start tomorrow, now get out of my sight**."

You stuck out your tongue at Flug as Demencia picked you up and carried you out of the office, earning an eye roll from him in response. He then let out a shrill shriek as Black Hat yelled for him to come near, briefly stumbling over his feet as he rushed toward his boss.

_Adorable._

The doors loudly slammed shut from behind as Demencia continued to carry you over her shoulder down the hallway.

"Uh... are you planning on putting me down anytime soon?" You questioned her. You were beginning to get real sick of getting dragged and carried around all over the damn place as if you couldn't do it yourself.

"Oh come on! Walking's a real drag, don't you think?-I'll carry you there!"

"...Wherever 'there' is!"

It was probably a moot point to try and argue with her, as her grip on you only tightened. Besides, she  _was_ faster then most cars, and you really weren't feeling up to dragging yourself all the way back to campus at this time of night. Not after the complete shitshow that has been today. You let out a long, drawn-out sigh.

"..Fine, I'll tell you on the way."

 

The next half-hour that ensued resulted in many wrong turns, almost running into a couple semi-trucks, climbing a skyscraper, and breaking into someone's house, crashing some kids birthday party. All from Demencia catching the faintest whiff of cake as she was chasing someone's cat around their backyard. She had been just nice enough to offer you a single slice before eating the whole thing herself. 

Entering campus, she was happily strolling up the sidewalk that lead to the dorms, smacking her lips as she finished off the last bit of the stolen birthday cake. 

"So! Which one?" She asked, tapping her chin in thought as she abruptly stopped before the dorm building.

"Top floor, far right." You replied, gesturing to your dormroom window.

"Great! I'll throw you up!" She replied as she hoisted you up, preparing to launch.

"NO, no no _no_. Put me down. NOW." You demanded. Like hell you were going to be spending the night in the hospital for getting shards of glass lodged in you, not to mention the fact that your roommate would be on your ass for waking him up so late with your obnoxious late-night window crashing.

"Alright, alright, **big baby**..." You heard her grumble beneath her breath as she put you down. You quickly smoothed out your hair, as running at high speeds down a major highway  made you look almost as wild as her.

"Well, uh, thanks Demencia for kidnapping me and almost getting me killed today. That was nice. Also thanks for the lift." You said, brushing yourself off, flicking away a few flecks of drywall from smashing through that wall ten minutes back.

You glanced to Demencia, who was still geinning giddily as ever, blinking at you. An awkward smile tugged at the corner of your lips before it fell, catching sight of a faint gleam of metal from right behind her. It looked to be some kind of large, spiked object of immense death and destruction..

Oh shit.

"Wait...are you.. are you holding a mace?" You asked, pointing behind her.

"Oh what _this_?" She held up her weapon proudly. The spikes on the large metal ball gleaming threateningly in the moonlight. And if you looked just hard enough, you could swear you see faint traces of old and new blood. Zoiks.

"Don't you worry your _pretty little head_ about it, alright?" She gave your head a few pats, pulling her hand back before you could swat it away.

"I mean, sure, I could _totally_ smash your face in right now!" She leaned into your personal bubble, grinning from ear-to-ear. Your instincts took hold, leaning back from her. "...But like I said, IT'S NOTHING TO WORRY ABOUT!" She loudly yelled, once again expressing her lack of volume control.

You glared back at her as she snickered maliciously, very clearly up to no good. 

"Alright, I gotta head back now, but I'll kill ya late-I mean, I'll seeya tomorrow! And you better not be late! _Or you'll make him ang-ry!_ " She crooned, turning on her heel to stroll back down the side walk, spinning the mace around effortlessly while whistling an upbeat tune.

...Yeah, you were beginning to have a _strong_ feeling she was trying to kill you. But you'll just have to deal with her tomorrow, you were going to bed.

So, you now have an internship at the Black Hat Organization. You work for the biggest, baddest motherfucker around. Guess this meant you were a villain now? At least by association.

But to be honest, you couldn't really imagine yourself ever truly getting into the spirit, just wasn't your thing. Well, 'least if you HAD to choose you'd probably choose to be a villain, just because you were kind of an ass already. You _were_  convicted for theft, after all, with a few assault charges to boot. Things your parents still liked to scold you about whenever they  had the chance. But still they'll never stop hoping you'll choose the path of heroism, or discover your probably nonexistent powers. 

Can't your family just be happy with your decisions? Can't anyone be happy with _you?_

The only one who's ever accepted you for all that you were was Ethan. Bless his nerdy little hero heart, come to think, you should really call him tonight. As his super hardcore birthday bash was comin' up.

You pushed your way through the front doors, carefully stepping over some drunk college guy who passed out in front of the stairs, loudly snoring as he lay face down in his own drool puddle. Yeesh, good thing you weren't much of a drinker, you couldnt make it past a couple shots, this you knew from experience.

You still have that blunt-smoking peanut tattoo.

You tiredly walked your way up the many stairs to your dorm, forcing your tired aching legs to move for just a little longer. Today was absolute shit and you wanted nothing more then to collapse onto your worn out little bed and sleep for a million billion years.

Your mind again wondered over to your brother, his birthday was coming up soon and you hadn't been able to see him in almost a year. A YEAR.  
College busied you with a lot of things, so you really couldn't afford any time off to visit him or the family, not to mention how busy he has been with his training. A lot more then usual, actually. You've tried asking him what was up, but he's been strangely secretive for some reason, and you weren't one to push him for answers.  
But still you wanted to give him something special, to make up for not being able to make it this year, and your talking REAL GOOD. No half-assing whenever Ethan was involved.

Pushing open the hallway door, you sauntered down the hall to your dorm room, the lights flickering with each step you took. They really needed to put some money into fixing those damn things, you knew this wasn't the most elusive college in the world but come on, it won't hurt to lose a few bucks to maintaining their buildings a bit better. And you're not going to even get started on the godawful plumbing, but that was a horror story for another day.

You reached the door to your room, lazily unlocking it after digging around in your pocket for the key for a few seconds, and as quietly as the creaky old floorboards would allow you, you crept toward your bed. Your roomie Jerome was snoring softly on his own bed adjacent from yours, and you didn't want to risk waking him up because he was a real titslapper whenever he was disturbed from his slumber. But really who isn't? Being awake sucked ass.

The floorboards betrayed you, creaking and crackling loudly with each careful step you took, Drowning out the sound of Jeromes snoring. Shit.

You winced as he stirred a bit, furrowing his brow in his sleep, until he buried his face further into his pillow, returning to his snoring. 

You breathed a quiet sigh of relief, continuing on a few more feet, until you at last came before your beloved sleeping rectangle.

Silently thanking Jesus as you collapsed onto the bed, the soft sounds of the bedsprings filled the otherwise quiet room. It was glorious. You should really just take a ten minute nap, and then you could call your brother. Yeah, just a quick little snooze and then you could snuggle in and-

 _"BOOTY BOOTY BOOTY BOOTY ROCKIN' EVERYWHERE!"_  Blared the ringtone that signified Ethan.

Oh goddamnit.

You scrambled to reach for your phone that rested atop the dresser right next to your bed, hitting the call button at lighting speed. Come to think, it would probably would have been smart to have your phone on you earlier, but morning rush was intense today. Because you slept in, like a bitch.

Your eyes quickly darted toward Jerome, who was grumbling in his sleep, but still he didn't wake up. Thank you Jesus.

"Hey Ethan!" You said quietly.

"Hey, man what's up!" Replied Ethan in his regular upbeat tone of voice.

"Not much, you?"

"Nothing much either, just lying on the bed eatin' the cheetohs. This days been really stressful." He said, words muffled as he crunched on a cheetoh.

"Ugh, same here." You said. Boy you knew it, it ain't easy being cheesy.

"Oh my god will you SHUT THE HELL UP." Your roommate loudly groaned. Oh god he's awake, you were talking to your little brother who you haven't seen in a _year_ , whom you missed dearly, can he be a little less of a dick?

"Fuck you Jerome." You spat.

"Yeah go fuck yourself Jerome." Said Ethan through the phone.

You were only able to catch him grumble the word 'Asshole' from under his breath as he turned over in his bed, grabbing his pillow and putting it over his head to block out your talking.

"Hold on, I'm taking this to the bathroom." You said, standing up. You made sure to leave particularly heavy footfalls as you walked past Jerome's bed as you headed into the small dorm room bathroom, just as an extra little 'fuck you'.  
You sighed as you entered, quieting your voice down to a whisper so as to not wake him up again, couldn't blame the guy for being so testy, he DID have an exam in the morning. Jerome was a dick, but you could give him that courtesy, just this once.

"Try not to talk too loud, alright?" You whispered.

"Alright, it's been awhile coming but I have something big to tell you."

"Oh really now? What is it?"

"Dude, your gonna shit your pants, I got recruited into The Scarlet Capes!"

"Oh my god, I totally just shit my pants!" You smiled wide. You had heard him talk about that particular league of heroes before. They were very famous, each memeber was able to travel at super speeds, being able to make it all around the world within minutes, among other things. And they all wore the same tacky, ugly red and white uniforms with red capes. Yuck.

..And they also happened to be situated right here in Hatsville! So you two could finally hang out again! 

"I know! Isn't it awesome!? I actually got accepted last month when they held try outs at the college, but I wanted it to be a surprise-'specially since my hardcore birthday bash is coming up. And I wanted to tell you first."

"Hey that's awesome dude! I'm so proud!" You exclaimed.

"Thanks man! Yeah, I'm their new scientist! A position opened up after RedChem retired."

"The Redchem? As in... The Red Chemist guy right?"

"Yeah! So you DO listen!"

"Always do bro." You said. The Red Chemist, Redchem for short. He was the Capes lead scientist, and he had really nice black hair, that's all you could recall. Your brother had adored him to no end, owning huge posters of the guy that he plastered all over his bedroom walls, and had been so down when he heard of his retirement. You remember sending him funny cat pictures to help make him feel better.

"Although I'm the newbie, so I'm at HQ most of the time while they're out doing cool hero stuff... but! They've let come with them sometimes! I mean, just to 'observe' but still..! It's pretty cool." He said, hardly containing his excitement.

He always got so enthusiastic whenever he talked about his biggest heroes, and you admired his passion. You've always wished that you had his same kind of motivation and ambition, If only. Then you'd be unstoppable.

"But yeah remember they announced his retirement a few months back? And there was no party or anything, he wasn't even the one to do it. He was like, 36? Kind of young huh."

You supposed it was a bit young, most heroes did the hero thing for their most of their entire lives, retiring into old age. And when they did retire, they more or less dissapeared from public eye, keeping their identities secure. But then again, your own parents did retire in their early twenties to have you and your brother.

...So maybe the Red Chemist got someone knocked up? Pft.

"No party? Ugh, heroes have always held the most obnoxious little party's whenever one of them retired, or kicked the bucket. Good food though." You replied. Your parents were close friends with a few reputable heroes, and they always dragged you along to go with them to their fancy rich people parties. You never liked being around so many people in one place, but the food helped make up for it.

"Food was PHENOMENAL, I'd kill for some of those cream puffs." Said Ethan.

Ah yes, cream puffs. The crown jewels of the buffet table. Nothing can top cream puffs, not even God himself.

"OH MY GOD ME TOO." You cried.

"I am SO hungry."

"Same."

"Eat today?" He questioned. As he usually did, you weren't always the best at looking after yourself, and sometimes ended up skipping breakfast or lunch. Or both. Because that's what college and work does sometimes!

"Yeah, got to make a couple pancakes earlier, then had a sandwhich at work."

"At Lil' Jacks?"

"Ah no man I had to get a new job, some chick literally trashed the place. Like I'm talking full-on ANNIHILATED that bitch. It was wild. It's been a wild fucking day." You said, shuddering as frightening images of ice cream, splinters, and Demencia raced through your mind.

"Like, your being serious right now? Some random chick actually destroyed the shack?"

"Serious as I can ever be."

"WOW. That _is_ pretty wild."

"Yep." You idly wonder how many other days and/or lives Demencia has ruined. From what little you know of her, probably a lot and many more.

"-But I'm sorry you lost your job man! But hey how's the new one? And how the hell'd you manage to get another one so fast?" He asked.

"Oh the chick kidnapped me and carried me all the way to the interview, boss almost ate me alive, and then he said I got the job. So alls well that ends well?" You replied.

"Ooh.. that sounds pretty rough, you okay?"

"Don't sweat, it was hell, but I've been through worse."

"Yeah..." He trailed off. Silence reigning over you two for a few moments.

"...But hey remember the super buff scarry guy who used to be my boss back in high school? Turns out he was some villain crime lord! Isint that fucking wild? How many more of those villainous assholes are hiding in plain light? God, you never know who someone really is until... ugh. Just. Wild shit."

Oh yeah, you remembered that guy. As Ethan had described; Big, buff, face full of scars. Honestly if you ever heard the word 'villain' his face'd be among the first that popped into you head. In retrospect, he was so aggressively villain-y it's a wonder no one was at all suspicious. Even you.

"Kinda reminds me of that... _Black Hat_ guy, like, from the vids in uncles basement?" As soon as your boss' name was spoken, Ethan's previously upbeat voice fell into a hushed whisper.

"Oh yeeeah... I remember." Clearly, as your memory had been properly refreshed earlier when he literally tried to murder you.

"Creepy dude right? Gave me nightmares."

"Me too man." You sighed.

Yes! Very terrible ones that still haunt you to this day! And now he's your boss, which is just fantastic. The worst villain in the world who wouldn't hesitate at all to kill you. Thanks a lot _Demencia._ Who your still mad at. Not even getting paid for that fucking internship, but it's not like you had had much choice as soon as you stepped foot into that manor. The place was a death trap, you were doomed from the get-go, weren't you?

"Aw yeah, can't even talk about him too much, or he'll FIND YOU." He said while making spooky ghost noises. _OOooOOh._

"Ugh, don't remind me." You grumbled in reply.

"Uncle Edd may be kind of a weirdo, and a real asshole scaring us with all his horror stories, but he gave us some pretty solid advice. I think?"

"Just keep your mouth shut about him. And you'll live?"

"Yeah, that!"

"Do you think it's really bad luck to talk about him too much?"

"Hm, I dunno! We've all talked about him a whole lot, and he's never come to eat our souls or kidnap us or anything. Maybe we're magic or like.. descended from leprechauns."

You could just imagine Black Hat coming to steal people away in the night, or eating their souls, or dragging them into the deepest darkest depths of hell. Or wherever the hell he came from.

Hm... where DID he come from? Would you ever know? You wonder if as his new intern you'd get some answers. Did even Flug or Demencia know..? Was he created? Summoned? Was he a demon? Probably, maybe. Or maybe was he some sort of god? Whats his story, what are his motives, and why did he wear so much cologne?

Okay that's it, your done thinking about your terrifying new boss, time to change the subject.

"Heh, yeeeah... so... where you talking about some.. serum? Or something like that earlier?"

"Oh yeah I really shouldn't have told you about that, but, the Red Capes where developing this brand-new serum just for their heroes, it was gonna be big, they were all excited about it. Then some asshole villains stole it."

You thought it was a bit selfish for a group of heroic dingalings to keep something like that all to themselves, kinda hypocritical to their nature, you thought. But who were you to judge? To each their own.

"Just learned a bit more on it today, apparently a small gang of them just broke into the HQ and straight up took it. No trouble. Don't even know who they were, security cameras and everything were all busted."

"Oh?"

"Yep, someone just hacked into security and then they decided to smash it all up. Brutal."

"You weren't there were you?" You said, concerned. He better not have been nursing a broken limb or some shit, or you'd go down to that HQ and kick all the asses for daring to lethim get hurt.

"Aw no, not when I should've been, HQ's a huge place, I was all the way at the other end of the building... it was a personal emergency."

"Oh thank god." The breathed out, relieved. 

"They're all actually kinda pissed at me, for not watching over everything. Now I have to have a supervisor watching over me everywhere I go, well, 'cept for the bathroom because that'd be gross. But none of them really trust me anymore, and they were just starting to warm up to me. It fucking sucks."

Oh no, that must be so unbearably patronizing _._ Few things ticked you off more then being looked down on and treated like you were some little kid.

"And what's really shitty is, R302 is in very limited supply, and it was still in its test phase so its all unstable. Who knows what those assholes are gonna do with it." He grumbled. Something about that name clicked, like you've heard it before. But unfortunately you tend to have shit memory, so you can't place exactly where and when you've heard it. But you'll probably figure it out within the next few paragraphs.

"It's just a rumour right now, but I've heard that a few other villains have already gotten their hands on it, and some pretty wild stuff is happening, but we don't know what exactly.. at least not yet. The Capes sure as hell won't tell me much."

You were beginning to grow a special kind of hatred for the Red Capes for being a bunch of asswipes to your brother. So what if he indirectly let a gang of villains get away with one of their incredibly rare highly unstable most prized creations? As if that's the end of the world.

"Just.. if there was something I could do to make them trust me again, I'd do it in a heartbeat. If I could track down those villains who stole the cases containing those vials, or if I even found just one drop of R302, then maybe they'd think of me as competent enough to stand on my own again. Hell, they'd maybe even let me join them on their missions, for serious!"

 _R302,_ the name clicked once again. You had heard it before, recently, earlier you think. Literally hours ago, in that dimly lit lab that belonged to that smug little asshole of a scientist. Yes! That was it! Right? Serum R302.

Or, 'Red Soldier' which was arguably cooler. 

"So, R30-whatever is what you want..?" You questioned.

"Dude I'd literally kill for it. Okay, maybe not literally but yeah, if it'd help the Capes trust me again. Why?"

Oh, Ethan was gonna lose his shit once you gave him his birthday gift! But... there was the obstacle of Flug. Who you needed to get past somehow in order to steal a vial of Soldier, because there was no way in hell he'd just hand it over to you on a silver platter.  
Eh, you'll cross that bridge when you come to it. You were no stranger at all to thievery, you'd find a way.

"Don't worry about it, I have a good feeling that things are gonna be looking up for you soon, trust me." You assured him, a sly smirk playing on your face. You could only hope that the same would be for you. Tomorrow was gonna be a challenge, but you were all the more motivated now. 

"But hey, lets get to talking about your day of birth! First things first--are there gonna be cream puffs at your party?" You asked.

 

**"Damn fuckin' right there's gonna be cream puffs."**

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey, sorry it took so long, but the fourth chapter is finally up!  
> Also sorry if it's a bit boring, I'll try to make up for it with the next!  
> Thanks again for all the comments and Kudos! ❤️  
> (Also I'm thinking I need to update that summary a wee bit)


	5. My Immortal

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> First day at Black Hat Org!

Your name was Reader Dark'ness Demencia Raven Hat and you have Long ebony black hair with purple streaks and red tips and (cool eye colour) like (something poetic) and a lot of people tell you you look like Black Hat (AN: if u don't know who he is get da hell out of here!). Your not related to him but you wish you were because he's a major fucking hottie. Your a Vampire but you're teeth are straight and white. You have (skin colour) skin. Your also a witch, and you intern at the Black Hat corporation in Hatsville where your working your first day. Your a goth (Obvs) and you wear mostly black. You love Hot Topic and buy all your clothes from there. For example today you were wearing a black corset with matching lace around it and a black leather miniskirt, pink fishnets and black combat boots. You were wearing black lipstick, white foundation, black eyeliner and red eyeshadow. You were walking outside the manor. It was snowing and raining so there was no sun, which you were very happy about. A lot of heroes stared at you. You put up your middle finger at them.

"Hey Reader!" shouted a voice. You looked up. It was... Dr. Flug!

"What's up Flug?" You asked.

"Nothing." he said shyly.

But then, You heard your friends call you and you had to go away.

  
The next day you woke up in your bedroom. It was snowing and raining again. You opened the door of your coffin and drank some blood from a bottle you had. Your coffin was black ebony and inside it was hot pink velvet with black lace on the ends. You got out of your coffin and took your giant MCR t-shirt which you used for pajamas. Instead, you put on a black leather dress, a pentagram necklace, combat boots and black fishnets on. You put on four pairs of earrings in your peirced ears, and put your hair in a kind of messy bun. Your friend, Demencia woke up and then grinned at you. She flipped her long floor-length neon green hair with pink bangs and opened her bright-green eyes. She put on her Black-Hat t-shirt with a black mini, fishnets and pointy high-heeled boots. You put on your makeup (black lipstick white foundation and black eyeliner.)

"OMFG, I saw you talking to Dr. Flug yesterday!" she said excitedly.

"Yeah? So?" You said, blushing.

"Do you like Flug?" she asked as you went out of your manor bedroom and into the Creepy hall.

"No I so fucking don't!" You shouted.

"Yeah, right!" she exclaimed. Just then, Flug walked up to you.

"Hi." he said.

"Hi." you replied flirtily.

"Guess what." he said.

"What?" you asked.

"Well, There are going to be an air show in Hatsville." he told you.

"Oh. My. Fucking. God!" you screamed. You love Air shows. Planes are your favourite flying objects, besides Helicopters.

"Well.... do you want to go with me?" he asked.

You gasped.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> New story derection! I took a littl inspiration from this really cool fucin fanfic I found on some old fanfic site
> 
> Happy Easter!

**Author's Note:**

> So! Uh, this is my first-ever fanfic, and I'm kinda nervous as hell.  
> It's probably not going to be anything spectacular, as I'm still trying to find my 'voice' as a writer and figure out just what I'm going to do with the story.
> 
> But hey its a /reader fanfic and I'm here to have a good time.  
> And I hope that it still manages to be a fun read despite whatever flaws it may have!


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